Is it anybody else's business how you raise your children?

Contributed By:Dorothy Nevils

It’s that time again – or almost. Graduation’s over. So are the parties in the park, and the trunk parties. The personal, written, thank you cards have been sent to the people who tangibly wished the honorees well. It’s time for emptying the nest and filling a dorm room miles away from home.

Most parents, hopefully, have spent the years leading up to this moment trying to “raise” their children, and the degree of success for each one varies. They’ve had different levels of responsibility growing up: Some parents were very lenient, while others were strict. Most feel it’s a matter of what the parent feels is right for their children… but is it? Is it anybody else’s business how you raise your children?

I know I’m treading in dangerous territory, but I’m going to do it anyway. Is your child ready to share space with another?

When I went off to college, I stayed in off-campus housing, a three-story house with ten to twelve girls. The “house parents,” lived on one side – technically a duplex, I suppose. There was one bathroom and a kitchen, both very small, and a cupboard in the hall for each girl’s dishes, etc.

Most of the girls were pretty responsible. However, there was one – I’ll call her Barbie – whose older brother had a job at the hospital. She was the “baby,” and it was obvious. He brought meals to her, and when the other girls came back from campus, she was gone and the soiled plates were left. Needless to say, roaches took over the place, and tempers flared regularly, even escalating into physical confrontations.

When I came to Gary, I moved into an upstairs apartment. My roommates were responsible. We cleaned up behind ourselves, we shared responsibilities, and we respected each other. Each weekend, the apartment was cleaned. It didn’t matter who did it because each of us did our share.

I had one roommate, however, that was “the roommate” from hell. She didn’t contribute to household responsibilities, nor did she think her “personal” issues to be her responsibility. I became the “maid,” with her being absent from Friday until Monday. Obviously, she had been catered to at home, and continued that behavior.

If you’ve ever raised Kentucky Wonder beans, you know that you need sticks or a fence for the vines to follow. It’s the same thing with children. Direction must be established; it doesn’t just happen.

Some people say, “Wait ‘til she – always ‘she,’ because boys are made of snips and snails and puppy dog tails – gets a roommate, she’ll change…” You cannot just shrug, concluding that peer pressure will “whip your child into shape,” that humiliation will do the job, your job. Nor should you “toss your child into the lion’s den” to be “mauled into shape” by embarrassment, or worse. It didn’t work in the cases above.

The only thing that works is stressing that everybody has a responsibility to others, a lesson that should begin very early in life with something as simple as “Pick up your toys,” “Wipe your feet,” “Put the dishes away,” etc., because “No man is an island.”

In other words, “Train up a child…” Your child… Your responsibility…

Story Posted:07/02/2017