Pulling the door to me, I found myself peering down into the eyes of Mr. S, a tormented soul...

Contributed By:Dorothy Nevils

I was sleeping so good! Oops, sorry… I was sleeping so well, or so soundly, deeply. I need an adverb. Everybody knows that an adjective cannot modify a verb, and, clearly, sleeping is a verb. It’s an action, for crying out loud! Even spell check, known for getting stuff wrong, sent the “blue squad” out to corral that mess, not realizing that I had done it on purpose!

Anyway, I was sound asleep when I heard an insistent banging on the door that would have roused Poe even before that godawful raven ever staked out its roost “on the pallid bust of Pallas just above” his “chamber door.” But the noise was incessant, so I dragged myself to the door to discover the emergency.

Pulling the door to me, I found myself peering down into the eyes of Mr. S, a tormented soul I have encountered on several previous occasions. This time, however, he seemed ready to give up the ghost. My face clouded, my eyes misted, and my voice cracked as I asked, “What’s wrong? You look frightful.”

No answer… just a woeful look from half-closed eyes. I tried again, this time stooping down so as not to miss a sound – if a sound should come. “For heaven’s sake, Mr. S. What is wrong? Talk to me! Come on. Tell me. We’re friends, remember?”

I got down even lower, on my hands and knees, within inches so as not to miss a word. His mouth quivered, and he began to speak.

“I can’t take it any longer,” he said, haltingly. “Nobody wants me around. It’s like I’ve got a mark on my forehead, like I’m to be avoided. I’m avoided like the plague, like I’m a registered offender, a pervert.”

I started to interrupt, but he kept on. “I think it’s that old ‘crooked letter, crooked letter’ stuff from long ago. Remember that joke about how to spell Mississippi? I’m thinking folks have me confused. I’m no crook! I’m a legitimate member of the alphabet. In fact, I’d say I’m one of the most useful letters in that group…”

I opened my mouth to agree, but he kept right on.

“How many letters can boast that they appear in over 90% of the sentences used by speakers of English? Every sentence has a subject and a verb; and, most of the time, if the subject doesn’t end in an s, the verb does. It’s always been that way, that is, if it’s present tense, or happening now…”

I nodded in agreement. He didn’t notice.

“Tommy likes to go swimming. So what does he do? He gets a bunch of friends who like swimming, too. Did you notice the necessity of the s in those sentences? No j. No q. no p, r, v, and certainly no x. How can people just ignore my importance, treat me like a nothing? ”

He had a point, and I opened my mouth to agree…

“You’ve always known my importance,” he said to me. “You’ve appreciated me. I remember that you sent your son outside in his pajamas to get an s-word, and he came back with a snowball. You charged your students a nickel when they said ‘he do,’ instead of ‘he does’…”

At that, I dragged him into the house. “Close your mouth!” I warned. “You’re gonna get me in trouble!”

“Oh, shush, scaredy cat! The statute of limitations ran out years ago. You’re safe. Besides, nobody pays attention to me. Have you forgotten? I’m an s!”

Story Posted:08/05/2016