What I miss, and what a communicator -- or a community -- needs, is interaction

Contributed By:Dorothy Nevils, maslivend@sbcglobal.net

Each week, I share my thoughts on what I believe, especially what I believe is important, and how it impacts our community. I guess one could say it's about relationships. At the end of each article is a space for comments, but there is no "feedback."

What I miss, and what a communicator – or a community – needs, is interaction. There is no such thing as community if there is no interaction. Nor is there communication without it. What others think makes interchange, and that is the joy of communication!

Imagine sitting on a train or bus for hours, and the person next to you – no matter what subject you bring up, even if you say, "My name is..." – won't even grunt. It makes for a very long ride, indeed, a depressingly long ride!

Opening one’s mouth, or sharing one’s feelings through the written word, means opening one up for judgment, rendering oneself vulnerable, and for too many of us, that’s scary. Perhaps it’s our association with “the finger,” which, once upon a time meant simply “singling one out,” pointing out an individual to another.

Later, “the finger” took on another connotation. Folks would show their contempt for someone by giving that person “the finger.” That said it all. It let “the pointee” know that, on a scale of 1 – 10, he was -7.

Ignoring someone is similar to “giving someone the finger.” Perhaps you recall getting that advice. As kids, we learned that well, whether it was someone whose attention you did not want, or a bully who was intent on “getting your goat.” It was a defense, similar to putting ones “free arm” between the ball and one’s opponent in basketball.

The examples I’ve given so far are intentional, made to set up a barrier between oneself and another, much like a fence to keep poachers out. However, what we need for community is discourse, conversation, verbal intercourse.

Unfortunately, technology, instead of fostering interchange, too often is a barrier to it. With the “Age of Facebook,” “Face Time,” “Instagram,” “tweeting,” and “emojis,” we don’t talk any more… not to each other, anyway. We don’t converse. We use “sign language,” like people who talk. I wonder, are we going backwards? Are we regressing, back toward infancy or even further, past the line that separates us from other primates? We call it “social media,” but how sociable are we?

As a communication teacher, it saddened me that our children were so reticent, so reluctant to share their ideas, their beliefs, their judgments. The root of this, I believe, is insecurity, the fear of judgment, of being afraid that one’s ideas will be judged inferior by others.

So, what do we need to do? We need to encourage discourse. How? By fighting fire with fire!

Start off with a simple statement: I agree with this, or I disagree. Then, in a sentence or two give a simple reason why.

Too often we withhold our opinions because we judge them inferior, or we fear a negative response. Don’t let that stop you, for if another is harsh in his or her response, remember this truth: That person is the inferior one for discouraging discourse, not you! You’re ahead of him – or her – by miles: You don’t grunt!

Story Posted:09/16/2017